“Money can’t buy happiness,” the saying goes, to which poor people reply: “I want to find out!” Research shows that money does, in fact, improve life satisfaction (duh!) but only up to a point. After that, it tends to just…
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“Money can’t buy happiness,” the saying goes, to which poor people reply: “I want to find out!” Research shows that money does, in fact, improve life satisfaction (duh!) but only up to a point. After that, it tends to just bring a different set of problems—problems rich people may be no better equipped to handle than anyone else. That’s where wealth therapists come in. And as it turns out, while their circumstances are different, wealthy people have some surprisingly relatable problems.
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Wealthy people suffer from mental disorders like bipolar, depression, and anxiety just like anyone else.
They also have unique challenges because of their circumstances, such as shame and guilt over having so much and being judged when they talk about their negative emotions.
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The Stigma of Wealth
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We live in a materialistic culture that assumes that acquiring wealth is the goal of life. It should give us the freedom to do whatever we want, whether that means a life of leisure living on a cruise ship, or working day and night to reach the top of our field and the highest income bracket. When a rich person talks about being unhappy, it triggers strong emotions in people who don’t have as much. It makes that person seem spoiled, whiny, and ungrateful. We might think they don’t know what real problems are and need a dose of the struggles other people go through. And underneath it all, it scares us. What if the goal we’re reaching for won’t fix the problems in our life? If being rich won’t help, then what am I working for?
Wealthy People Are Just People
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To keep things in perspective, we should start by recognizing that wealthy people are human and are subject to the same kinds of mental and emotional disorders as anyone else. Science still does not know all the reasons some people are more subject to mental problems any more than how some people are vulnerable to physical problems. Is it nature or nurture? It’s almost certainly both. But because the issues of the wealthy are rooted in psychology, getting rid of their wealth is not a panacea. They could carry the same mental issues over into a less affluent lifestyle and still struggle.
Wealth is Relative
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Consider as well that most people in the United States and other developed countries are quite wealthy compared to the billions of people in the world who live without adequate food, clothing, shelter, and medical care. The fact that you’re reading this article on an electronic device, or that you can read at all, places you into a global elite even if you don’t have a dollar in your pocket. Does that fact make your negative emotions go away, so that you feel and express only satisfaction with your life? Hardly.
Money Can Buy Happiness
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The fact of the matter is, that old saying about money isn’t entirely true. Money can buy happiness, but only up to a point. Studies show that a 10% increase in wealth, in any country, positively correlates with life satisfaction. In the United States, about $100,000 a year is the tipping point. Up to that level, life satisfaction tends to increase the more you get. After that, money brings a new set of priorities and problems that sometimes make things worse, not better.
Consider for example the so-called “lottery curse.” About 70% of lottery winners go bankrupt within 7 years. They suffer from depression, anxiety, broken relationships and some have even committed suicide or been murdered. In those cases, excessive money and the lack of ability to handle it not only financially but emotionally, brought misery.
Wealth Therapy
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A particular domain of psychology focuses on the specific problems affecting the rich. Wealth therapy gives such people a non-judgmental place to open up about their struggles and get professional advice appropriate to their unique life circumstances. Here are some of the problems they report that wealthy people deal with.
1. Trust Issues
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Wealthy people often struggle to trust others in many different areas of life. Often they have been burned in business and relationships by people who were just interested in their money. It’s hard to know whether someone wants to be your friend, lover, or spouse because of you or what you can give them. And it’s hard to open up to others about these feelings because rich people are “supposed” to be happy and get judged if they aren’t.
2. Loneliness
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Trust issues can contribute significantly to wealthy people becoming isolated, lonely, and even paranoid that others are talking about them and trying to hurt them. It’s not that rich people don’t have access to plenty of other people whenever they want. But these relationships can be shallow and transactional. In the case of the ultra rich and famous, they can also have genuine personal safety issues that keep them separated from the public and leave them feeling like a bird in a golden cage, looking at real life but not able to participate in it.
3. Family Problems
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Tension between family members is one of the most relatable problems of wealthy people, but it can manifest over some different issues. Spouses can have different spending habits, ideas about work/life balance, and different social circles. They often don’t have a good blueprint for raising children. How do you avoid spoiling them without depriving them of some of the benefits of an affluent lifestyle that could make their childhood more enjoyable? And how do you manage increasingly independent teenagers who might be especially vulnerable to being taken advantage of by insincere friends?
4. Difficulty Relaxing
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Self-made millionaires or billionaires got to that point by working hard and finding the right opportunities that have sometimes come their way sheerly by chance. They know that it can be hit-or-miss, and they’ve had their fair share of failures and losses. This has conditioned them to be restless and alert, always looking for the next opportunity and not taking for granted that their wealth, no matter how great it is, will always be there. This is why some wealthy people never stop working, neglecting their families and health even though they could easily retire any time they wanted to.
5. Feelings of Guilt and Shame
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Guilt is a feeling that we have done something wrong. Shame is a feeling that we are wrong; that we’re intrinsically a flawed person. Rich people can suffer from both, often specifically connected with their wealth. Along the way they may have hurt or neglected others, doing genuine harm, and feel guilty about that. But they can also feel a sense of shame, that they’re a bad person for being wealthy. This can happen whether they inherited money or made it for themselves. Imposter syndrome can be a significant element of these feelings: “I don’t deserve this. If people really knew who I am they would judge me.”
6. Creating a Meaningful Life
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Like all of us, wealthy individuals think about what the purpose of life is and often want to do something more meaningful than simply sit back and be a consumer. People have creative impulses that drive them to overcome obstacles and improve themselves and their environment. When those psychological needs aren’t met, they can become listless and may medicate themselves with conspicuous consumption, sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, or other addictions. Having a lot of money gives one an opportunity to leave behind a great legacy, or hurt oneself and others very badly. These struggles can be compounded for people who inherited wealth and live in the shadow of parents or other ancestors who had legendary achievements they can never live up to.
What About You?
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Regardless of your income level, do you relate to any of these issues? Seeing a therapist is a wise decision. Check with your medical insurance provider and/or your employer about what mental health services they cover. It might be more affordable than you think, and definitely worth it to work through issues that are holding you back.
One of the tragedies of lacking resources in a wealthy country is that many people simply cannot afford medical care that is not on an emergency basis. If you are feeling suicidal, call 988 to talk to someone confidentially and for free at the Suicide and Crisis Hotline. Otherwise, reach out to a trusted family member, friend, or member of the clergy to talk. Sometimes talking about an issue can help you get moving again, even if you don’t have a solution. And that applies whether you’re rich or poor.
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