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Recently I’ve read a spate of articles where high earners (earning over £100k) talk about how hard done by they feel. Henrys are defined as those who are “high earners, but not rich yet”. Apparently they feel bad for a variety of reasons – a big one being that they have to pay a higher rate of tax on some of their earnings.
I have friends who are definitely in this demographic, and have to grit my teeth when they double down on how difficult things are. Recently, I met up with a friend in town and whilst we were sipping on our £7.50 lattes, she started telling me about how tough things are for her.
“It’s a real challenge getting people into our holiday rental because of the cost of living thing,” she said. “We’re hoping it picks up soon or we’ll have to seriously cut back.” This friend owns a massive house in London. And three holiday properties. She doesn’t know that I check my bank balance every day. That I am a fiftysomething woman and will never be able to retire.
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Our shared ownership home is a disaster
Paul Afshar is struggling to sell his shared ownership flat in Hackney Wick (Photo: Charlie Forgham-Bailey)
Paul Afshar felt a sense of pride when he purchased 25 per cent of a new home in East London – as a way to get on the property ladder without huge financial backing.
But years on, Afshar has discovered the drawbacks of the scheme, including the rising costs and difficulty moving on.
The background
A 25 per cent of a one-bedroom flat in London.
In 2007 Afshar put a five per cent deposit (£2,500) on his share of the flat and entered a 35-year mortgage on a standard variable rate.
Although he only owns a quarter of his flat in Hackney but is eligible for 100 per cent of the maintenance costs.
Between 2007 and 2024 his mortgage rose 48 per cent from £268.65 to £400.28. He also pays £865.48 on rent (shared ownership requires paying rent to the organisation who owns the rest) and a service charge.
Fixing unsafe cladding on his block of will also cost in excess of £50,000, as it isn’t eligible for government funding.
The impact on residents
It has definitely triggered a deep sense of anxiety in me that affected my mental health. It’s this constant heavy, nervous feeling in my stomach.
AFSHAR, 41
Caption: Paul Afshar, campaigner for End Our Cladding Scandal (EOCS). who???s flat in Hackney Wick has been affected by unsafe cladding which means that he is unable to sell the property.
Photographed leaving his flat. Photographer: Charlie Forgham-Bailey Provider: Charlie Forgham-Bailey Source: Charlie Forgham-Bailey
Shared ownership in the UK
Caption: BRENTFORD, ENGLAND – OCTOBER 19: A general view of some of the student accommodation blocks within the Paragon Residential development which have been placed on a mandatory evacuation order, on October 19, 2020 in Brentford, England. Paragon is a development of six apartment blocks owned by one of London’s largest housing associations, Notting Hill Genesis. A recent investigation into the exterior cladding coupled with structural and fire safety issues has led to the association asking residents of the 1059 flats to evacuate while further investigations are made. The estate was developed by Berkeley First, part of The Berkeley Group plc. (Photo by Leon Neal/Getty Images)
Myra Butterworth Photographer: Leon Neal Provider: Getty Images Source: Getty Images Europe Copyright: GETTY IMAGES
In 2024, 200,000 households were shared ownership properties.
In 2021-22 there were 19,386 new shared ownership properties.
Fewer than 2,000 shared ownership households managed to staircase from part to full ownership in 2022.
Big Read
9 min read
Selling up
Afshar couldn’t sell his flat but didn’t feel safe to live in it – because of the cladding. So he lived with his partner for three years, still paying the mortgage and charges.
Caption: Paul Afshar, campaigner for End Our Cladding Scandal (EOCS). who???s flat in Hackney Wick has been affected by unsafe cladding which means that he is unable to sell the property.
General view of the unsafe timber cladding. Photographer: Charlie Forgham-Bailey Provider: Charlie Forgham-Bailey Source: Charlie Forgham-Bailey
Caption: Paul Afshar, campaigner for End Our Cladding Scandal (EOCS). who???s flat in Hackney Wick has been affected by unsafe cladding which means that he is unable to sell the property.
Photographed inside his flat. Photographer: Charlie Forgham-Bailey Provider: Charlie Forgham-Bailey Source: Charlie Forgham-Bailey
Property expert Crystal Olenbush says selling is the biggest issue. “You’ve got to figure out how to divvy any equity, then you need to find someone to take over the side of the seller’s portion of the mortgage. There’s a whole legal process to transfer that shared ownership stake. If anyone tries to skip steps, it creates huge problems.”
Paul Afshar is struggling to sell his shared ownership flat in Hackney Wick (Photo: Charlie Forgham-Bailey)
The takeaway
I got into something I didn’t fully understand. I was sold a dream of homeownership and it’s come back to bite me years later. It’s heartbreaking.
Looking back Afshar wishes he’d have looked into the service charge, mortgage rate and selling protocols sooner.
Thinking of getting a divorce?
It’s not always the solution, says psychotherapist and author Philippa Perry, who has been married for 32 years.
Here are the five things she recommends asking yourself before dishing out the divorce papers.
The questions you should ask
Is it a you problem?
Couple, talk and arguing with fight at house for disagreement, conflict and divorce discussion. Woman, explain and bored man for conversation, toxic relationship and drama and marriage fail in lounge – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
It’s not a good idea to get divorced when you’re just depressed and stressed. You’re naturally irritated by everything and everybody. It’s too easy to take that out on your partner and think they’re the problem.
OPINION
2 min read
(Photo: Kawee Srital-on/Getty).
Are you telling yourself a story?
We cherry-pick the evidence against our partner until we’re so set on them being the enemy…
It feels almost like tying up loose ends. But it won’t really solve the problem. It just makes it much worse. It’s okay to be wrong. Good relationships are full of ruptures and repairs.
The questions you should ask
It is a mixmatch of conflict styles?
When we’re under stress, we have our preferred way of coping.
You want a partner who’s on the same page as you, so that you have moments of connection.
Some people think a lot, other people want to go straight to action.
If you’re a thinker, and you’re married to a do-er, it’s important to remind them that they don’t have to fix every problem. If you are a doer, you have to say something like, explain your process and thoughts a little more.
Do you believe the grass is greener?
If this is you, do some serious therapy on yourself. What gets in the way of a good relationship is thinking that the grass is greener and therefore having a lack of commitment. This is why we have marriage because you make a commitment.
PHILIPPA PERRY, AUTHOR OF BEST-SELLING BOOKS ON PARENTING AND RELATIONSHIPS
Do you have moments of inclusion?
Son’t assume your partner knows how you think (Photo: ljubaphoto/Getty/E+)
Moments of inclusion are the ones when you both feel like you’ve both clicked, and really get on.
If these moments are missing, we need to leave more space for them.
Also treat love as an action, not a feeling. Ask yourself, what can I do for my partner today?
LIFESTYLE
5 min read
FOOD AND DRINK
The UPFs the health experts eat
In the UK, 50 per cent of our daily energy comes from ultra-processed sources, rather than fresh, minimally processed food.
This has been blamed as one of the reasons for the nation’s poor health and high rates of obesity. While all UPFs get a bad reputation, there are some that are better than others.
We asked the health experts which UPFs they include in their diets.
The UPFs the health experts buy
Sausages
Dietitian Aisling Pigott has sausages once a week, choosing the vegan or high-meat versions.
Orange squash
Priya Tew buys no-added sugar squash to help her children drink more water.
Lentil crisps
Nutritionist Jenna Hope has these as an alternative to regular crisps.
The UPFs the health experts buy
Baked beans
Dr Linia Patel, a dietitian and performance nutritionist, enjoys baked beans. She eats them on a jacket potato with cheese and a side salad as a quick, filling and nutrient dense meal.
Squirts of ketchup up the sugar in his diet (Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)Caption: Homemade Barbecue Baked Beans in a Black Skillet Photographer: Dragos Rusu / 500px Provider: Getty Images/500px Source: 500px
Ketchup
Gut health nutritionist Yalda Alaoui, who follows a mostly anti-inflammatory diet, has ketchup as small amounts do not impact her blood glucose levels.
Other UPFs that health experts put in their shopping basket
Some people can be concerned about a sugar rush (Photo: Elizabeth Perez Holowaty/Getty)
Haribo sweets for their children so they can learn to self-regulate with food.
It’s estimated ultra processed foods make up at least half of the average UK diet (Photo: Getty)
Emergency cereal bars when homemade flapjacks run out.
Sriracha chilli sauce on the production line (David McNew/Getty Images)
Hot sauce and mayonnaise
Caption: Oakland, CA – December 02, 2016: Grocery store shelf with jars of Marmite brand Yeast Extract. A by-product of beer brewing, enjoyed at any time on toast for breakfast, in sandwiches at lunchtime; Shutterstock ID 545767972; Purchase Order: – Photographer: Sheila Fitzgerald Provider: Shutterstock / Sheila Fitzgerald Source: Shutterstock
Marmite as a source of vitamin B12 and potassium.
Photographer: Aleksandr Zubkov Provider: Getty Images Source: Moment RF
Almond milk in morning drinks, fortified with vitamin D.
How to find balance
My mantra with UPFs is ‘reduce but not restrict’. I don’t think we need to cut them out but it’s a good idea to assess how much you eat. If some are [things] you especially love, then cutting them out can lead to you craving them more.
Priya Tew, registered dietitian specialising in eating disorders
Senior female friends spending leisure time knitting while sitting at table in retirement home – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
How can people give themselves the best chance of a good retirement?
Are retirees in the UK happy?
What the statistics say
47%
Almost half of studies into the impact of retirement on people’s mental health report a negative impact on life satisfaction.
72%
According to the latest Office for National Statistics (ONS) figures, among those aged 50-59 who have left the workforce, 72 per cent would consider returning to work, often citing a need for financial security and purpose.
Nearly a third (32 per cent) of 50-70 year-olds retired earlier than they hoped.
Volunteering
73-year-old Martin Delgado, who retired from his role as a journalist, enrolled as a volunteer with the NHS 10 years ago.
He attends seminars, goes on training courses and works with psychiatric patients at an NHS mental health trust in London.
(As well as looking after his grandson).
Big Read
9 min read
Martin’s other tips for retirement
Elderly couple taking selfie while hiking together in autumn mountains. – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Have hobbies
He often goes on bike rides, hikes, solo camping trips and finds time to read.
Exercise
He runs two or three mornings a week and when it becomes too much is planning to take up swimming or cycling.
Find the best shoes for you (Photo: Xavier Lorenzo/Getty/Moment RF)
Spend time with family
“I spend as much time with our grandson as I can. Having him around has had a huge emotional impact.”
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing
For Toni Del Mar, 75, one of the things that has made her retirement a happy one is spending more spontaneous time with friends in her Devon village.
But she hasn’t given up everything completely. Mar runs her home as a B&B which she cleans and prepares for guests. It provides her with purpose and help paying the bills.
If you’re struggling, there’s hope
Retirement was the biggest challenge of my life.
Simon McEwan, who had a 43-year career in journalism, felt lost without structure and routine. He wishes he’d have phased work out slowly.
Now he’s built a new routine including exercise, mindfulness, meditation and joined a mental health walking group.
How to stay connected
1Plan in advance – join community groups or take up new hobbies that can bridge the initial gap when work stops.
2 Enjoy the arts – creativity can provide a new sense of purpose and organic opportunities for new bonds.
3Maximise fulfillment – identify activities that you enjoy, and take time to build up interest.
4Balance your activities – mix ones for enjoyment with ones that help others. For example, volunteering at local community groups.
The mistakes parents make at home
Baby-proofing professionals like Al Kola from Baby Safe Steps say there are several mistakes he often sees that are actually more harmful than helpful.
He shares the most common ones.
Accidents in the UK
Unintentional injuries in and around the home are a leading cause of preventable death for children under five years.
67,000
Every year, more than 67,000 children experience an accident in the kitchen, says the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents.
58,000
58,000 children have accidents on the stairs, often where the most serious incidents occur.
The mistakes parents make
The wrong gate Pressure gates – gates with a bar along the bottom to keep them fixed in place – shouldn’t be on the stairs as the bar is a trip hazard. You can end up flying down the stairs with your baby.
Young Asian mother enjoying family time with her toddler in nature – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)The Cuggle Extending wooden gate failed some of the tests (Photo: Argos)
Not securing furniture Parents tend to assume that kids won’t do XYZ. For example, we might assume they won’t pull on drawers, but they can, and it’s a threat that can land on them.
What to do
Father with baby on hands standing near window at home. – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Don’t leave windows ajar
The window could be pushed open the rest of the way by a toddler of about two years old.
Hide cords
Cameras next to a cot are often on a wire, which means that a child could grab it, take it into their cot and get entangled.
The Government may eventually have to scrap the triple lock (jacquesdurocher/Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Lock cupboards
Lock cupboards where you keep cleaning products, batteries, medicine, glassware and potentially tools.
Other things to note
You don’t need to overprepare. If you put edge protectors everywhere, then that child is not going to know what pain is. When they go anywhere else like nursery and do get hurt because they don’t understand it.
Caption: Mother guiding her young daughter to school up the stairs, symbolizing back to school season and family bonding. Photographer: FreshSplash Provider: Getty Images Source: E+ Asian small toddler child is riding a toy car when he falls on the floor, leading to cries and shouts. The unhappy boy, playing with his toy car in the living room daylight, sheds tears – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
The only baby gate brand Al Kola trusts is Baby Dan. “We use them for a few reasons: firstly, safety, secondly, practicality, and then thirdly, they look good. They are the only brand that currently ticks those boxes for most scenarios.”
Of course we all live in our own little bubbles. And I am also privileged in that I own a home in London – something I feel very lucky to have. But hearing her complaining about her struggle with owning four properties was hard to hear. In 2023, the average house price in England was 8.6 times the average annual disposable household income.
Another complaint that’s hard to sympathise with is the one about private school fees. This same friend has two children in private school and has spoken to me about the stress they’re experiencing since the fees went up to due to VAT. The idea of having hundreds of thousands of pounds hanging about to spend on private education is unreal to me (the total cost of sending a child to private school is now predicted to be £380,000 although prices vary). I said I was finding it hard buying all the new uniform for my eldest who is starting at our local comprehensive secondary school. An awkward silence followed.
Moaning Henrys are nothing new. When I worked for a big corporate market research agency a few years ago, I met a few colleagues who seemed completely out of touch with reality, and were biding their time until their trust funds kicked in properly. One owned a London house that was fully paid for by the bank of Mama and Papa. I was asked round once for dinner, and my tongue was hanging out at the sheer scale of it – complete with three bathrooms, two studies, and a sauna.
A couple of years later, I learnt that this same person had started her own baby-clothing business. “It’s really tough out there,” she said when I ran into her on Portobello Road, where she was escorting her two privately educated primary school kids home. “My heart is broken. I guess failing in business is just part of life,” she said.
I thought about the privilege of failing in business with no real financial consequences. Of course it’s not nice to see our dreams being dashed to pieces like Crunchie bars underfoot, but it is so much worse when that happens and our entire livelihoods are dependent on those dreams.
Who even has time to dream when they’re working every day? My theory is that Henrys complain because complaining is such a great leveller – and an easier way to connect with people than showing off or talking about how great your life is. It can also be a way to seek validation. My friend who has multiple holiday homes wants me to like her and to approve. She doesn’t realise that the more she goes on about the perils of owning multiple properties, the more distant I feel.
I guess it’s all relative. Even if you’re earning lots it never feels like enough when you compare it to a wealthier peer group. In the cult TV series Succession, Connor Roy states, “$5m is a nightmare,” explaining that in order to retire comfortably these days, you need far more. This is how Henrys sound to me. Like what they have isn’t meeting their needs. That they will always aspire to more.
I spoke to Clare Seal, a financial coach, who explained why we can get used to having money and still have a scarcity mindset. “As we earn more, we will often find our lifestyle starts to creep and it might still feel like there’s not an awful lot ‘spare’,” she says. “I also think our tax system contributes to this, so someone earning a large salary may not be feeling the benefit of it especially if they have children. Whereas people who are gifted large sums of wealth are not taxed aggressively at all.”
Whilst it’s hard to listen to the complaining, I’ve concluded that perhaps it’s a way of trying to appear normal and not stand out. At school there was one wealthy girl who never talked about the luxury ski trips her family went on each year, or the fact she owned her own horse – she knew it would inspire jealousy. So instead she shoplifted No 17 lipsticks and borrowed money to buy crisps for the bus ride home. She was playing at slumming it.
I remember saving for months to get a Molton Brown perm (£60 and this was in the late 1980s) and she let slip that her dad had just paid for hers ‘as a summer holiday treat’. I was fuming. I’d like to say that I enjoyed my perm more because I had worked for it in a Saturday job that involved selling fruit and vegetables, being paid £5 a day. But actually that’s rubbish: the perm was a disaster on me.
As Seal says: “There will always be someone with more money to compare yourself to, especially as we are so exposed to wealthy lifestyles on social media.”
My take-home lesson? There will always be those who have a better perm. Or who look better in shorts. Or have more money. And yet still complain. It’s human nature it seems. Try not to let it get you down.
